How Foxy Got His Eyepatch
by Felix the Dragon
Summary: Oh no, Mike lost power again, and Foxy is coming after him. Is there anyone that could possibly save him now? You better believe it, brother!


The funny thing about working at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria is how you view the day of the week compared to the other guys with jobs. Most people loathe the idea of Mondays, and Friday is considered the best day of the workweek. That's the day you look forward to the most, because it means the beginning of another sweet weekend.

But it was a horrible day of the week for Mike Schmidt. Ever since he started working at the pizza place on the night watch, he loved Mondays since they were so quiet, and Fridays genuinely terrified him to the bone. And he had good reason for that, since the animatronics would get crazier and crazier every Friday night…

Thankfully, the singing crew of Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica were out of order that night. A few gears with their mouths were all busted at the same time from playing the theme song too often, and someone would be coming over the weekend to fix them. _Thank God._ Unfortunately, that still left Foxy left to deal with. By Friday, he was the most horrifying to work with. Any security guard would tell you that.

Mike held onto the tablet carefully in his hands, concentrating all of his efforts on Pirate's Cove. His security uniform was drenched with sweat around the neck and armpits, and he took a sip from a water bottle to stay hydrated. That fan couldn't go any faster for him, and he was panicking out of his mind.

_This is the last day I'm working here...this is the last day I'm working here...just gotta hang on for six hours...it's just Foxy there...I can handle Foxy...I can handle him…_

He breathed in and out constantly, and he managed to calm down for the time being. Foxy was still behind the curtain, and he was handling it pretty well. The tablet said that there was a lot of power left, and his shift would be over in one and a half hours. He could do this. He just needed to hang on.

Thankfully, last Sunday was a bit more fun than this concept of hell. While he was home that evening, the rest of his family were catching a wrestling show called WrestleMania III on TV, and they invited him to watch it with them. Anything was better than looking at a screen to make sure those damn animals wouldn't kill him, so he decided it was worth giving a try even though he knew nothing about wrestling.

What he saw impressed him. He witnessed two people have the most epic match ever for the main event, a fight between two men named Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. Seeing Hogan pick up a giant weighing over 500 pounds to bodyslam him was one of the best things he had ever seen in his life, and he could hear his parents gasp in the distance while it was happening.

He stopped and reflected back on that memory, something that actually brought him happiness for once this month. Sadly, that involved looking away from the Pirate's Cove camera and daydreaming about that moment. And anyone that knows anything about Foxy knows that that's the last thing you ever want to do. Unless you want to be bitten in the frontal lobe of your brain like that idiotic kid that kept poking Foxy in the face.

After several moments thinking back to that moment, Mike forgot all about his problems for a moment...and then he looked back to his tablet and saw that Foxy was gone.

He freaked out immediately and pushed the button to the left door as soon as he could. Mike sighed in relief as he managed to save himself from certain doom. He wouldn't let himself daydream like that again, that's for sure.

And then it got much, much more worse.

The lights turned off in the security center as the power ran out, and the left door went back up. Mike's heart stopped beating for a second, and the sweat on his neck turned icy cold. He slowly pushed his chair as far back as he could, and he hoped Foxy was gone for the moment.

_Just a little longer...just a little longer…_

But things somehow got worse for him. He could hear Foxy at the other end of the hallway. The moment the fox knew what happened, Mike was a goner. So Mike held his breath as long as possible, and decided he would make a run for it as soon as Foxy rushed after him.

That's not what happened. No, what happened next was beyond comprehension.

A bunch of lights went off inside the left were not the usual fluorescent lights, but they were red and yellow spotlights. They circled around the place and left it in an otherworldly glow.

Mike could see Foxy at the end of the hallway now, and the pirate was confused by this sight like he was. Nobody knew what was going on, and they waited to see what would happen next.

And then a song started to play on the speakers. The sound of cheesy synthesizers rang through the place, and a voice spoke up.

"I am a real American...fight for the rights of every man...I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!"

The red and yellow lights got brighter than ever, and then the wall next to Mike exploded like dynamite blew it up. The song playing above became every 80s rock song ever, rocking the guitar with a Kenny Rogers soundalike singing about being an American.

The hole in the wall was covered in smoke, and a figure emerged from the hole. He wore a bandana on top of his bleach blonde hair, a yellow t-shirt, and red and yellow tie dye pants. That mustache was as distinct as anything else out there, looking like a piece of yellow string.

He stood in front on the hole, and Mike's eyes exploded when he realized just who he was looking at. He brought his hands to his face, almost screaming when he called out his name.

"HULK HOGAN?" he screamed.

"That's right, brother!" Hogan shouted. "Now let me tell you something, Mean Gene...or whatever your name is. The power of Hulkamania, and all of my Hulkamaniacs, brought me right here to Chuck E. Cheese! Wait...Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria! I didn't know what for, but they told me I had to be here for something."

At this point, Mike was wondering if someone slipped something in his water bottle.

"And now I know what I have to do. I have to save your life from that furry little pirate over there. Foxy the Pirate, you better back down, or Hulkamania is gonna run wild on you!"

Foxy blinked his eyes in confusion, but now he knew what was going on. This roided yellow freak was blocking him from stuffing Mike into a suit. And that was _so_ not going to happen.

Foxy came after Hulk Hogan with his arms extended, intending to claw his stupid mustache off of his stupid face. But Hogan brought up his leg for a big boot, and Foxy fell on his ass from the force of the Hulkster's big foot.

That got Hogan angry, and he gripped the sides of his shirt and tore it apart like the big muscleman he was. "That's it now, Foxy. Whatcha gonna do, Foxy, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?"

He grabbed Foxy's leg and dragged the pirate's body so that he was facing Foxy's head, and unloaded a right hook across the fox's muzzle. Foxy tried to shield his face from the almighty Hulkster, but Hogan's huge fist still slammed hard into him and rearranged all the gears in his face.

Mike watched on from the doorway, marveling over the sight he was seeing. This was so much better than Hogan vs. Andre. Maybe because half the fight wasn't some annoying bearhug that ate up way too much time.

Foxy managed to block the following left hook and ran as fast as he could to the other end of the hallway, afraid that Hogan was gonna kill him. But then a thought came into his head.

"_Wait a minute. I'm Foxy the Pirate. I bit that kid in the brain when he wouldn't leave me alone! I shoved that annoying Phone Guy into a Freddy suit because nobody likes Freddy. I'm better than this!"_

He turned around and charged again after Hulk Hogan, but Hogan raised his foot for a big boot again. Foxy fell down even harder on the floor, and he was dizzy from the impact.

But Hogan knew what it was time for. He was going to use his secret weapon, and it would win him this fight. He stepped back a few feet from Foxy's broken body and prepared himself for this. Here went nothing.

Hogan jumped up into the air and stuck out his legs. His right leg came down hard on Foxy's neck, landing the Legdrop of Doom on the poor thing. Foxy's body jolted from the impact. If he had lungs, all the air would be sucked out of them.

Mike went wild witnessing all of this, cheering him on. "Thank God you showed up! He was gonna get me and stuff me into a suit. I would have been dead without you!"

"Don't thank me yet, brother. I'm not finished with him by a long shot!" Hogan replied.

"What…"

Foxy slowly got back up on his feet, dizzy and ready to pass out from all the pain. He might have been a robot, but he still had _feelings_. And those feelings were all kinds of hurt. He had to get back to Pirate's Cove as soon as possible. This guy was going to kill him if he didn't go back in time.

But before he could even try to get back home, he felt himself hit the floor again. Hogan jumped on him in a Thesz Press, making Foxy land with Hogan sitting on his chest.

"Now you're gonna get it, Pirate!"

The next few minutes were spent with Hogan landing punch after punch on Foxy's face for hours.

/

"What the hell, Mike?" The Boss shook his head. "I know you don't like it here. I know you really don't. Nobody's worked at your position for more than a month without dying. But do you know what I have to do to hide Foxy's empty eye socket now? I'm gonna have to install an eyepatch over that spot, and that costs money!"

The "meeting room" for Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria was just the dining room when everyone else was gone. And yet that didn't stop The Boss from throwing a temper tantrum like a child, all while showing Mike the body of Foxy lying down on the table. And surely enough, Hogan didn't stop punching Foxy until one of his eyes was missing. He made sure that Foxy knew the power of steroids-um…"Hulkamania."

"You could just replace the eye," Mike pointed out.

"We don't have the budget for that yet. Why do you think we have a bunch of murderous animals for our singing band and we haven't replaced them yet? That's why that hole in the wall is going to be there for years. But seriously, you expect me to believe that Hulk Hogan caused all of that? Hulk Hogan? That guy that ran wild on Andre the Giant?"

"I have security footage of the incident to prove it," Mike pointed out. "Here…"

He reached down on the floor and pulled out a portable camera with a built in screen. He came over to the Boss' side and showed the footage from the left hallway last night. The Boss leaned in and observed the proceedings, making sure that Mike's bizarre story wasn't full of bull.

A few minutes later, The Boss' jaw was on the floor. His eye twitched, and he rewound the footage multiple times to make sure he wasn't seeing things. But everything he saw was real.

"OK….what's it going to take for you to keep quiet about this? Because I don't want anyone to find out. Even if this is the best thing I've ever seen."

"How about good pay for once, sir?"

"Deal. Your last paycheck is $10,000."

"I thought your budget wasn't enough to replace Foxy's eye?"

"Screw it. I'm lying about that. I'm just a cheapskate. $20,000 so you don't tell anybody about that either."

"Deal."

/

Nine years later, Mike moved on and scored a well paying job with a technology group. It was fun work for him, and he wasn't spending his weeks in fear that he was gonna die every second of his life on the workforce. Well, until the Y2J bug scare told him that his computer might kill him in four years. Dang it.

Either way, the incident at Freddy's made him a hardcore Hulkamaniac for obvious reasons. He bought all the merch, he dressed up as Hulk Hogan at Halloween, and his walls were flooded with Hulk Hogan posters.

Even when Hogan left his home at the WWF to go to a new company called WCW, he followed the Hulkster and watched all the PPVs from the comfort of his home. And that's what he was doing on that Sunday night, watching the latest big WCW PPV: Bash at The Beach 1996.

The main event was a tense one, as two invaders from the now-lame WWF were trying to take over WCW against a team of their biggest stars. He watched every second closely, making sure that the good guys won and he saw it the second it happened. But you know what would make it even better? If Hogan showed up.

And that's just what happened. Mike lost his mind when Hulk Hogan walked down the aisle, looking to save WCW from the invaders. His good friend Randy Savage was on the floor and in pain, waiting to be rescued, and Mike couldn't wait to see the invaders get what was coming to them.

Then Hulk Hogan did the unthinkable: He legdropped Randy Savage across the throat many times, and he joined the invaders and called them the new cool guys. The water in Mike's hand dropped to the floor in slow motion, breaking apart and making the carpet inconveniently wet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed in agony.


End file.
